#Goals
Happy 2020!!
Welcome to a new year, a new decade, and new possibilities.
This is the time of year when we reflect on our past and set goals for our future. So what are your goals for the 20's? The next year?
“A goal without a plan, is just a wish" - Antoine de Saint-Exupéry
First off, let’s be SMART about it. SMART is an acronym to help you set up your goals in a structured way that will allow you to get clear on what your goal is and how you will know you have achieved it.
S - make your goals Specific - What does it look like to achieve this goal?
M - make it Measurable -How will you know you are successful (e.g. going to the gym 3 days/week)
A - make it Achievable - If you never workout, do not set a goal of going to the gym 7 days/week. Start smaller, with something that is challenging but doable.
R - make it Realistic/Reasonable - Is this something you can reasonably accomplish? Getting a full eight hours of sleep is an admirable goal, but it may not be realistic if you have a newborn at home.
T - make it Time sensitive - Give yourself a deadline to accomplish your goal within.
Once you have the basic framework of your goal, here are some additional techniques to help you achieve success this year:
Get Clear on Your Motivation - Why is this goal important? What will it mean to you to accomplish this goal? How will it change your life (daily and/or big picture) to change this behavior? For example, will being in better shape give you more energy to play with your kids?
Create Motivational Reminders - Once you are clear on your "why," find a way to keep this motivation present. For example, set the background of your phone/laptop with an image or phrase to inspire you, set alerts on your phone to remind you of why your goals matter, or write an affirmation about your goals that you see every morning.
Set Yourself up for Success - In Nudge, the authors assert that we often follow the default settings without questioning anything. You can use this little hack to your advantage by setting your environmental "default" to foster the behavior you want to engage in. For example, if you are trying to eat more health foods, put the healthy foods you want to eat in the front of the fridge - cut them up so they are easy to grab and go. On the other hand, you can put junk food in the back of the fridge or a top shelf and add layers to make it harder to see and get at, such as putting it in Tupperware or baggies. If your goal is to go to the gym before work, layout your gym clothes the night before and set out everything you need to bring so you can roll out of bed and go.
Do Not Change EVERYTHING All at Once - If you try to do everything, you are likely to get nothing. One common pitfall I've seen time and time again is clients trying to change everything at the same time. When you are trying to create lasting change, you want the transition to feel possible and attainable. This will help you gain momentum and make it easier to stick with the new behavior. In Dialectical Behavior Therapy (DBT), we call this "building mastery." When we change everything we often get overwhelmed. It feels like we have to be all in, or all out. And "all out" becomes too easy when dealing with the stresses of everyday life (work, family, home life). Pick your priorities and start there. Or shape your behavioral change by breaking bigger changes into smaller steps.
Perfection is the Enemy of Good - On a related note, striving to be perfect is not only unrealistic, but also a surefire way to sabotage your goals. Personally, this is one of my biggest challenges. For those of us who worship at the alter of perfection, it can feel like failure the second we are not doing everything 100% as we envisioned it. The thing is…life is not perfect, and humans are CERTAINLY NOT perfect. The problem with perfection is we often undermine our goals before we even have the chance to start. For example, if your goal is to go the gym for 60 minutes, but you only have time to go for 30 minutes, what would you do? The perfectionist would say, there is not enough time, I can’t hit my goals of 60 minutes, so I can't go to the gym. However, if your goal is to change a behavior or start a new habit, 30 minutes at the gym is linked with significant health benefits and is a step in the right direction even if it is not the full 60 minutes you envisioned. As Aristotle said, "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit."
Find an Effective Way to Meet Your Needs - What is the current behavior you want to change doing for you? Are you using food or alcohol to numb your feelings or avoid discomfort? Is smoking how you cope with stress? Is not working out justifying your belief that you could be in shape if you tried? What are you getting?
Once you know how the behavior, or lack of behavior, is serving you, you can choose to let that need go or find another way to fill that need. Stopping a behavior without something to fill that need makes it less likely to stick. If smoking is how you cope with stress, you need to find another way to support yourself when feeling stressed out. For example, going for a run, talking to a therapist, or playing an instrument. Without a replacement for handling stress you are setting yourself up for defeat by taking away a coping skill and not offering a replacement. It is like traveling to a country where you don't speak the language without a map/GPS.
If you would like more help creating behavioral change and achieving the goals you are striving for, check out our upcoming events here.